Reflections on LD 1964- Paid Family and Medical Leave - pt 2. Human Givers.

By Kimberly Simmons, PhD

Kate Manne describes misogyny as a system that polices women to act as "human givers" in society, and to justify punishing us if we fail to serve in this capacity.  Misogyny, in this definition, is not the hatred of women, but the unreasonable presumption that caregiving is so abundant, natural and inherent for women, and thus costs nothing to provide, and thus requires nothing in return. If a woman withholds this resource, it is because she is a B(*$%, and not because she might be busy, tired, preoccupied, creating, enacting, leading or otherwise just not want to in an ok way.  And B($%*es get what they deserve. Misogynoir amplifies these expectations of Black women significantly and we are experiencing crises in Black infant and maternal health and mortality as a consequence.

Many of us internalize this framework;  it helps us stay safer in a misogynistic society (even when the pressures are a bit in the background or invisible to us).  The Nagoski sisters offer a particularly good take on “human giver syndrome” and the ways that we might perpetuate the expectation of care work as “not really work” in all kinds of cultural contexts – to the overall detriment of our whole society.  

If care is the purview of women, for whom it is easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy to provide, why would we ever pay for it?  And if care is essentially a task women are suited for, why would we create pathways for men to provide care?   If care is a woman's natural super-power, why are women asking for more, except to be complainers? And shouldn't complainers be put in their place - not rewarded? And aren't complainers not acting like "real women"?

This circular logic is exhausting, demoralizing and undermines all the realities we live in.   Women do provide an enormous amount of unpaid care - valued at almost 11 Billion Dollars and often do it with a smile, because we do love our people.  But, these labors of love are rarely actually easy.  As so many testified to at the public hearing for LD 1964, there are massive economic, health, relationship and career consequences for this work, and most women (and everyone) would actually prefer a more humane system that recognizes us all as human beings - capable of providing care at a reasonable rate, and needing care sometimes too.

Yet, creating policy that redefines the category "women" as actually sometimes-breakable, not always fueled by love, also needing support and to earn money is to challenge a very deep logic of misogyny that has a hold on our political lives.  

I hope that Governor Mills and other leaders can see [their] way to a more bravely feminist position on this topic. As wehas come to defend Abortion rights as a critical element of women's overall human rights (and those of all who can become pregnant), wemust see that also redistributing expectations of care work to our whole community is a form of recognizing the humanity and the human rights of all of us.

For more Manne: 

This New Yorker Interview : https://www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/kate-manne-on-the-costs-of-male-entitlement

This Podcast Interview with Ezra Klein 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12572452/

Manne’s newest book, Entitled, is written for all of us (could be a challenging beach book!)

Also, consider

Burnout by the Nagoski Sisters

Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey (and follow her @ Nap Ministry)

Essential Labor by Angela Garbes